My Picture, My Hair and Staying 35 Forever

My profile picture looks nothing like me.  It was taken a few years back when I decided to let my hair go grey.  Honestly, I hate dying my hair.  It's messy, takes time, and no matter how diligent I am, at some point (usually while out and about) I glance in a mirror and see...ROOTS.  Just hate that.  So I stopped dying and learned to live with the grey.  Got lots of compliments and had no intention of ever dying my hair again.  I was proud of being authentic, bold and unafraid of aging.  Well, you know how it is.  Pride goeth before the fall.

In 2009 my son graduated from high school.  Lots of pictures...was that his grandmother standing next to him?  Oh, wait...it was me.  With my short, grey hair.  I looked old.  Of course, it didn't help that I was wearing an Eileen Fisher ensemble which, although quite elegant, made me look and feel kind of dumpy. 

I tried to let it go.  I tried not to let it affect how I felt.  But it did.  It was a direct repudiation of the image I held of ME.  I'm only supposed to be 35.  No, Really!  I know I'm not but that's the age I most relate to and that hair was a constant reminder that I was a lot older.  I started to feel old.  Wow.  How shallow.  Unfortunately, how true. 

I held on to the grey for a few more months until one day I just couldn't stand it anymore and bought some hair dye.  So now I dye my hair again.  I let the bangs grow out, my hair is longer than it's ever been, and honestly needs a good trim.  I am even toying with the idea of cutting it really short and going grey again.  But probably not. 

I'll never be 35 again.  And I know I don't look 35.  But at least I can have my light brown hair.

Life as an unfinished project

Unfinished projects.  I have a lot of them.  Some don't interest me anymore, others I feel guilty about letting languish. But they're all sitting here in my head (or in the closet) mocking me.

Bigger picture?  Life.  Life is one big...messy...unfinished project.  Which is good because well, let's face it, no one wants a finished life.  I like to think I'm only half way through this great adventure - at least that's my plan.  But time is rushing and there's still so much to do...not sure what I want to do with my life.  Which, considering that I used to "duck and cover" in grade school, could be problematic. 

Oh, I've dabbled in a lot of things - went to college and majored in theatre in the 70's (dropped out...bad idea), worked as an actress/singer in the 80's (no money...lots of great friends), took up quilting and embroidery (spent a lot of money...still haven't made any), got married and became a mom in the 90's (good idea...really hard work...costs a lot of money), went back to school for Interior Design in the 00's (discovered Charles and Ray Eames-WOW!... realized that designing interiors for rich people just wouldn't cut it), and have managed a scenic design office for many years (living wage, lots of interesting people, no real artistic satisfaction, and the annoying 9-5 routine).  Hmm...one big unfinished project. 

I used to be a glass half empty kind of girl.  I could find a dark cloud anywhere.  I thought the only things I could succeed at were the things I didn't care about.  Which was true.  Which is not true.  Which was only true because I let it be.

Need to shake things up a bit.   What to do?  Write a blog.  Put some ideas out there.  Get inspired to finish up old things and start new things.  Well, ok.  That's an idea.  It could work.  I guess.

So here's the deal.  A few weeks back I decided that it was time to make something.  I bought a couple of dvds about making whole cloth quilts by painting on fabric by Judy Coates Perez (http://judyperez.blogspot.com/).  You can buy the dvds at http://www.interweavestore.com/.

And I actually did something!  Here it is - just about finished.  I still have to add the binding (twisted and couched chenille thread, I think).  Considering that I've never painted on fabric before and that I haven't quilted in quite some time, I am pleased with the final product.  I didn't use the best piece of fabric in case I messed it up, I picked hearts because they are easy to draw freehand, and I had some issues with the free-motion quilting because I'm out of practice. 

But ok.  I did it.  And now I want to paint more and learn to draw better so that I can really put on cloth what's in my head.  Now, that's a project.  Better get started...